Don't Buy These 6 Things for Back to School
Hey there, earthlings. We here at Zorpads hear that it's back to school time on the third rock from the sun and we wanted to send some intergalactic advice your way. Absolutely do not purchase anything on this list for back to school.
1. A pencil sharpener
If you think you should, you shouldn't. You didn't invest all that money in back-to-school outfits to sharpen your pencil at your desk. You want to show those clothes OFF! Models have a runway, you have your walk to the pencil sharpener. Do yourself a favor and give yourself an excuse to strut.
2. A binder that does not showcase your personality.
Ok if you're going to put your school papers in something, why would you want to put them in something that makes you sad to open? Get some glitz, some glam, some Lisa Frank, anything that will make you get home and not hate doing homework.
3. Pens that have no color or sparkle or fun
This is the epitome of the saying "enjoy the journey, not just the destination". Sure you're going to write a paper, but why wouldn't you want to enjoy the act of writing? Get some gel in that pen, some sparkle in that gel, and some fun in that paper.
4. A Watch
You know what you can't ask that cute boy sitting next to you if you're wearing a watch? What time it is. Feign some ignorance, get the boy. Nothing sparks a romance quite like scoffing together at how much time you have left in Chemistry.
5. An ironing board
If you're going off to college, save yourself some money and level-set your aspirations. We can tell you with absolute certainty that two things will be true in your university years--you'll be late to class 60% of the time and you will not iron your shirt 100% of the time.
6. A Printer
Let me tell you what's great about printers: printing. Let me tell you what's not great about printers: ink. Just succumb to the rule of the universe that printer ink never lasts longer than a week and print at the computer lab on campus.
One thing you'll definitely need? Some Zorpads. Make sure you have them for all your shoes and save a pair or two for that mini fridge. You don't want to wake up at 3am smelling leftover dining hall Chinese food.
Also in Dispatches from HQ
8 Ways to Tell Your Boyfriend His Feet Smell
While we here at Zorpads are certainly not qualified to tell you how to hypnotize your lover or stand in for a really good couples therapist, there's one situation we're uniquely able to provide advice on: smelly feet.
